The Proposal

When I think of a wedding proposal, my mind goes back to the fairty tale days of the prince sweeping the maiden off her feet and making her into a princess. Much like in Cinderella when she was just a peasant girl slaving for her wicked step family, the prince falls in love with her. He proposes and they get married, living happily ever after. 

I have three daughters, so courtship is something I have read a lot about. I remember the days I was searching historical books to find out just how courting was done many years ago. Not much was really written on the topic, at least not from a Christian perspective. Then we saw many courtship type books being written and flying off the shelves and into the hands of many Christian parents.

Courtship is a cultural thing created by the families and each family has a different set of ideals they implement into this idea. Each family is unique but I have a strong feeling that most of us have one important ideal in mind before giving our blessing to our daughters getting married. We want to know that she will be loved unconditionally.

There's a young man who is looking for a bride. He's the potential groom. He keeps his eye out for a young woman to court. Each woman he encounters is his opportunity to share with these ladies what he is looking for in a woman. He finds a damsel and proceeds to tell her his desires. 

"Accept my invitation to marriage. I will provide for you, but you must do something for me. You must accept my marriage proposal under these conditions; if you refuse me, I will send you to the basement where you will be in constant pain for the rest of your life. If you choose me, I will save you from that fate. If your family does not accept me as your groom, I will also send them to my basement where they will suffer their whole lives. 

They all must accept me as your groom. If they don't, you will never see them again. Every friend you will ever make for the rest of your life, must accept me or I will put them in the basement with the others. They will all suffer. When we have children, if they don't accept me as your groom and as their father, I will also send them to the basement to suffer. It's their choice. 

They are free to reject me, but I will send them to the basement if they do. And if you choose to marry me, you MUST tell everyone you know, that they MUST choose me. YOU are responsible for warning them about my basement and tell them I will save them from it, IF they choose me."

I'm not sure about you, but I would NEVER allow my daughters to marry a man who gives this kind of proposal. This is the type of abusive mentality that is inflicted on women and children in abusive families all over the world. The controlling threats to keep people close to them is abuse, plain and simple. The cycle of violence in mental and emotional abuse is a twisted sort of mind control. It puts you in fear, thinking you need to jump through hoops to keep this kind of guy happy, or else. Would you allow your daughter to marry this kind of groom?

This hypothetical groom is in fact a groom that is presented to people every Sunday. He is not of Christ. Everything Christ came to do, love, heal, forgive, reconcile, is not who that groom is. What kind of groom have you accepted as your savior? Is your savior the false savior who threatens all your loved ones? Or have you chosen the groom who sweeps you off your feet in his endless abounding love and devotion?

The false groom wants you to believe in his painful basement so that he can present himself as 'a' savior. He would be 'saving you' from his basement. See how twisted his thinking is? He swoons you with threats, then says he will save you from his own threats.

Jeremiah 7:31 And they have built the high places of Topheth, which is in the Valley of the Son of Hinnom (Gehenna), to burn their sons and their daughters in the fire, which I did not command, nor did it come into my mind.

Lets look at how Jesus attracts people.

  • He offered Living Water to the Samaritan woman.
  • He healed the Centurion's servant.
  • He forgave the people who crucified him.
  • He raised the brother of the two sisters from the dead.
  • He never lashed out at the people who accosted him in the garden.
  • He reconciled people to His Father. 
Agape by sisterlisa, on Pix-O-Sphere
All of this was done with unconditional love. He draws us to himself through love. He died for us WHILE we were sinners. I just think it's time to rethink how we are introducing our wonderful Savior to people. Or perhaps some people need to rethink what kind of 'a' savior some people are serving.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
So just how do we view our groom? Which groom have you been following?
Are we spreading threats and hate? Or are we sharing the Gospel (Good News) that Jesus LOVES them?

2 Corinthians 5:19 For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people's sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.
Wedding Feast by marieduval, on Pix-O-Sphere

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rain at: February 11, 2011 at 8:36 PM said...

LOVE this post.

{ Shelley } at: February 15, 2011 at 10:23 AM said...

Sisterlisa~GREAT POST! I've been wondering all my life why 'the gospel' is good news when there are so many conditions. Your description of 'being saved from the groom's basement' hits it exactly.

I found your blog via a comment over at 'Unravel'. Just wanted to say I'm looking forward to diving into more of your topics.

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